When She Doesn’t Feel Attractive: 5 Ways to Help Her Build Her Confidence

A woman is only flattered by a man for so long. Then she gets familiar with him through relationship. When she gets familiar with him on an intimate level, she gets familiar with his imperfections. That’s when she will begin to subconsciously count his summation of her as a part of that imperfection. So slowly and surely his compliments won’t count, especially if given repetitively and over emphasized.

What is a man to do?  What are you to do?

The following are some brief tips that can help you, as a man in her life, bring some perspective to her beauty and help her see herself better.

  1. Be Honest About Your Abilities – A man must be honest with himself about changing his woman’s mind about herself. The harsh reality is that he can’t do it. That is he cannot force her beauty as a logical point that she will accept. No amount of persuasion, coercion, marketing, manipulation, or even scripture will change her mind about her.
    • She needs something more.See she can’t just hear “you’re beautiful”, she must feel “you’re beautiful”. What that means is that she must have demonstrable experiences of being attractive that impacts her mood directly. She can’t be told it, She MUST FEEEEEL It.
  2. Be Honest About What You Like – A man must be honest about what attracts him. Telling a woman that she is beautiful in a didactic, problem solving way like “You should do this or that” does not work. She needs an emphatic response and reaction from you regarding her like, “Wow babe, I dig when you do that”. Honestly, what a man likes combined with flirtatiousness makes her feel received. She is being desired and wanted. This is the experience of being attractive rather than just being told that she’s attractive.
    • You can’t teach her that she is attractive. You can’t tell her that she is attractive. You have to show her that you are attracted. Words alone are cheap to a woman’s self-esteem.
  3. Partner With Her – Be a part of her plan to be a better her. Sometimes a woman doesn’t want words of affirmation, she wants someone willing to help her on her journey to where she wants to be. This means she wants someone actively involved in her personal interest and desire of self transformation. A man who is willing to participate and even lead in that journey will be well received.
    • So If she says she feels fat… Then the response can be, “Listen Love, I think you’re fine, but if you feel that way, let’s do something about it… we can always be better…”  THEN Lead the Way.
  4. Want Her, and Show Her She’s Wanted – If this is a wife, showing sexual arousal by her presence is KEY. There is no better feeling to a woman than the FEELING and EXPERIENCE of being wanted, hungered for, desired, and lusted after. It gives her a since of value, validation and empowerment. YES empowerment!  Brother…Pull in with me…Your wife likes to know that she can ummmm impact your anatomy. She likes to know that she can move you and shake you. Brother don’t tell her she’s sexy, show her by hungering for her and give her the prestige that she can make her man melt for her.
  5. Adorn Her – Men who Love their women like Christ loves the Church do not only lead. That’s not your only responsibility man. They wash her in the Word (practice not just words…say it with me “experience”). They also build and strengthen that relationship. They ALSO Adorn their women to present them to themselves.

A man who is interested in uplifting the beauty of his woman must invest in her style and flare. It doesn’t have to be a monetary investment, it can be a time and attention investment.  Go shopping with her and help her choose what to wear. Be a friend and her man. When you clothe her in what you like to see her in, you are preparing to present her to yourself.

Listen, these are just a few tidbits that can get you started in the right direction. Unfortunately you can’t commercialize, mass produce, and culturalize this behavior or true inner beauty and esteem. However a man can change the environment of his own home for his wife or at least partially for a woman he loves. He can help her have experiences of attractiveness that testify to her beauty.

OH btw (by the way) add Daughters to this situation. Obviously remove the sexual implications. Daughters who are made to feel pretty by their fathers early on have less of a self esteem issue as they grow older. You as a father can shape your daughter’s paradigm early on. So Dads, love on your daughters.